My battle of the bulb

The streetlighting engineer walked up and down outside my house trying to work out who was right: me, or my neighbour, the vegan.

On the one hand, I was claiming this LED light was lighting nothing of importance on a deserted village green at night while shining through my bedroom window driving me insane, and therefore should be fitted with a shield. On the other hand, my neighbour the vegan was claiming that if the bright white bulb was slightly dimmed on one side, women would be attacked, old people would trip over bins and it would be ‘scary’ to encounter fairground people and travellers in the dark when they occasionally stay on the green.

Why scary? Come on, you committed left-winger with your agenda to promote equality and save the planet, why would it be scary for you to encounter a gypsy in the dark? Spell it out. Don’t just tease us with half an idea that sounds like small-minded prejudice.

This lady, who is married to a Surrey county councillor who styles himself as ‘independent’ but was once a Lib Dem, went on like this for three pages in an email she sent to, er, Surrey County Council. Did her surname help? Did her husband, the councillor, throw his weight about to get the shield taken out of the lamp? I’ve fired off a Freedom of Information request to see.

In the meantime, the council contractors are at a loss to know what to do. Having fitted a shield to help me, then having been forced to remove it by a letter from someone desperate for a Mars Bar blaming them in advance for potential murder and mayhem, they stuck a thin strip of gaffer tape around the top of one side of the glass casing.