Name that job

Following the Coffee House debate a few days back on the lunacy of referring to “gangs” as “groups”, I was delighted by the revelation in today’s Mail on Sunday that an Islington primary school has decided that the headmaster should now be called the “lead learner”. What would Thomas Arnold have made of that redesignation, I wonder? And why stop there? Let’s call surgeons “health helpers” and psychiatrists “brain buddies”. Prison warders should be “incarceration facilitators”, while police officers might feel more comfortable re-titled “liaison workers with the criminal community”. And Stephen Hawking would surely be less forbidding if he were called an “atomic aide”, just there to help out with the tricky business of the origins of the universe.