Nobody lives

In a large entry you divided almost exactly equally between Pepyses and Pooters. I suppose that one of the differences between the two diarists was that Pepys was a ‘somebody’ who generally got things right while Pooter wasn’t and didn’t. Basil Ransome-Davies was spot-on — with Pooter flattered by lots of letters inviting him to become ‘a valued customer’ and offering him loans: ‘it is gratifying to know that I have a trustworthy reputation’. I also liked Peter Meldrum’s Pepys asking at the Admiralty about ‘our sailors captured in Persia’ — were they much hurt? ‘No, Sir, they are writing their diaries for publication.’ The winners below get £25 each while the extra fiver goes to Bill Greenwell.

What a capital invention Television is. At all hours of the day, and, by-the-by, the night, I watch ‘the news’, of which there is abundant supply. This enables me to discuss the world with drivers of the motorised hansom-cabs, whenever I go to the City. To-day, my driver lectured me, rather impertinently I thought, upon traffic. ‘They ’ave too much of it,’ he said. ‘It is all that Brown’s fault.’ In my opinion, I riposted, motorists were to blame. They insist upon driving, despite all their wheezing and coughing. ‘What d’yer mean?’ he replied. ‘I refer,’ I said, much taken with my little joke, ‘to the CONGESTION charge.’ Mr. Brown, by-the-by, is the new Prime Minister. I have already written to him, congratulating him upon the prevention of smoking. Bought The Spectator, but, to my annoyance, it provided no list of television programmes, which I took to be its purpose.

Bill Greenwell

July the first. The day the smoking ban starts. While I enjoy a good cigar, I have never smoked in public, I remarked to Carrie at breakfast that I had not been led ‘ashtray’ to that extent.