Nostradamus

In Competition No. 2929 you were invited to submit an acrostic poem containing some predictions for the next decade, in which the first letters of the lines read NOSTRADAMUS.

Although the forecast was bleak — no surprise there — a welcome smattering of more left-field prophecies made me sit up and take notice: Richard Dawkins finds God; A and Z amicably switch; Durham’s new bishop wins Miss UK; the Chilcot report is met with universal approval.

Commiserations to near-winners Sam Gwynn, G.M. Southgate, Brian Allgar, Katie Mallett and Alan Millard.

Those that just beat them to it are printed below and earn £15 each; the bonus fiver belongs to Bill Greenwell.

Neuter genders are declared at birth;
Oceans empty, seasides are extended;
 
Skinny’s out. A whistle welcomes girth,
The fat are fêted; diets are suspended.
 
Religions blend: one God becomes another.
As graveyards overflow, cremation’s law.
 
Dictatorships decide who was your mother.
All email melts (what no man can restore).
 
Mammon is a gameshow. Churches fail.
Undead, the Queen outlives the Prince of Wales.
 
Sofa bargains hog the Easter sales.
Bill Greenwell
 
Norfolk is washed away in freak high tide;
Obesity’s the national badge of pride;
Storms and El Nino flatten half of Wales;
Train lines in France are blocked by giant snails;
Russia starts all-out war on state librarians;
America bans nuts and vegetarians;
Drought wipes the humble olive off the earth
And decimates the struggling euro’s worth;
Mosquitoes grow immune to pesticide
(Uzbekistan’s the only place to hide.)
Sunspots turn frenzied and the Earth is fried.
D.A. Prince
 
New flags, new faiths tell less truth than we need.
Oppression wears the mantle of goodwill.
Serenity succumbs as cities bleed.
Theology becomes our cheapest thrill.
Radiant hope attends the darkest deed.
Assassins pray for yet more gods to kill.
 
Division and subtraction rule the day;
Addition has no space to multiply.
Mendacity and greed keep truth at bay
Until the springs of arrogance run dry.