Notebook | 8 December 2016

It’s weird being friends with someone who suddenly becomes President of the United States, not least for the reflected glory that suddenly rains down on one’s own far less powerful cranium. I was roundly ridiculed by numerous high-profile journalists and celebrities for predicting Donald Trump’s victory throughout his 16-month campaign. Now, many of those same egg-faced mockers slither up at festive parties to whisper a variant of: ‘Any chance you could put a good word in for me with Donald?’ To which my preferred response is to place a patronising hand on their shoulder and say: ‘It’s Mr President-elect Trump to you.’

When I spoke to Trump after he won (I got 15 minutes, five more than Theresa May; not that I’m suggesting for a moment I’m more important than the Prime Minister. Obviously) it was clear that he, too, is highly amused by the sheer scale of the unctuously sycophantic U-turns he’s had to endure since landing the White House. ‘Everybody suddenly loves Trump again!’ he chuckled.

Perhaps my most delicious schadenfreude arising from Trump’s ascendancy is the abject humiliation it’s imposed upon that other billionaire Apprentice host, Lord Sugar. The pair of them had a very bitter Twitter exchange a few years ago, during which Sugar informed Trump: ‘Success is measured with what you have in business. I own all my real estate with no bank borrowing — how about you, big shot?’ Sugar followed up with: ‘You only have 1.9 million followers, not good for your ego, how come I have 2.5 million?’

Trump toyed with Sugar’s bravado like a great white nibbling on a gnarled old dolphin. ‘Dopey Lord Sugar,’ he retorted. ‘You’re a total loser who Piers Morgan doesn’t think is very smart or rich. I agree with Piers!’

Given Trump’s become the most powerful man on earth and now has 16 million Twitter followers (11 million more than Sugar), it’s perhaps unsurprising that ‘Dopey’ has gone a bit quiet on the how-to-measure-success front.