Obesity isn’t an ‘illness’

About 20 years ago, Burger King stopped selling its magnificent Double Mushroom Swiss burger, an act of corporate vandalism matched only by the decision of Heinz to discontinue its exciting range of Toast Toppers. The Double Mushroom Swiss clocked in at 910 calories, to which you could add another 150 or so by requesting a slice of bacon with it, which I always did.

I was reminded of this delicacy when I read the ‘Global Burden of Disease’ report in the Lancet and, in particular, the news that worldwide obesity has doubled in the past 20 years, i.e. – crucially – ever since the Double Mushroom Swiss was withdrawn. This made me think a little. It is surely no coincidence that my own weight began to rise, year on year, from precisely the time that my favourite burger was scrapped (in 2004 I was a lithe 10st or so). If I were working for some perpetually carping trusts such as the Runnymede or Rowntree, I would blithely assume causality and insist that the Double Mushroom Swiss be reinstated as a human right, before, somewhere down the line, blaming Tory cuts for everyone being feckless lard-arses and diabetic to boot.

The Lancet’s report confirms that, as ever, the fattest bastards in the world live on islands, especially Pacific islands. I have read a number of scientific studies which try to blame whitey for the fact that Tongans and Samoans can scarcely waddle into the nearest lagoon without wheezing and dropping dead from a heart attack. We forced them into eating food which was bad for them, apparently. But it is rather more the case that the Polynesians and Melanesians much prefer the highly processed, fatty food which is imported from the nearest mainlands.