Off the agenda

God save us from committees. They’re an increasingly outdated way of getting things done. But there’s a certain sort of person who loves them. What’s worse, they want you to love them too.

Anyone who has spent more than 15 minutes as the parent of a school-age child will be familiar with the emails. ‘Joyce has now served as treasurer of the committee for seven consecutive years, and really does want a break. Please can someone volunteer to take over? It’ll only take a few hours of your time each month — and it can be great fun!’ Yeah, right.

Then comes the emotional blackmail. ‘I’m sure your child loves attending the club every week, and all the great activities they get up to there. Now’s your chance to give a little back! Come on, you know you want to help out!’

OK, I know there’s always a certain amount of admin that needs doing. Someone’s got to fill in the forms about the village hall being insured and no one being a nonce. But there are three reasons I feel zero guilt about it not being me. Firstly, I’m useless at it. Forms have never been my thing, and I’m not one of nature’s organisers. Put me on a committee and it’ll only be a matter of time before the first lawsuit arrives.

Secondly, I do help out — just in ways that actually achieve something. Boots on the ground, if you like. Each year I run a magic club at my son’s primary school, teaching the kids card tricks and mind-reading effects. I do talks at Barney’s Cubs group, and go along on their map-reading hikes. Every home football match finds me putting up goals and fetching corner flags from the shed.