It’s by-election day in Parliament. No, not another chance for voters to give Boris Johnson a bloody nose over ‘partygate’; but rather the opportunity for one of Britain’s blue-blooded families to take their place in the Upper House. For this contest is fought in the Lords, not the Commons, with votes limited to Tory peers choosing amongst themselves which of them should take Matt Ridley’s seat, following his retirement from the chamber in December. Ridley was one of 42 hereditary peers elected by the Conservative hereditary peers, as part of the total 92 agreed as a compromise by Tony Blair in 1999.
Voting is taking place on the parliamentary estate until 5 p.m today, with Steerpike’s spies telling him this contest is one of the more keenly-fought in recent years. Results will be declared tomorrow, with just 46 men (and they are all men!) eligible to vote, in what has been dubbed ‘the world’s most exclusive electorate.’ Some ten candidates are standing, each of whom are allowed a ‘personal statement’ of up to 75 words. It’s a bit like filling out UCAS university applications except the winning entry gets to join the institution for life, not just three years. Mr S has therefore been sifting through the candidates putting themselves forward to see which of our aristocratic families will soon see its scion in the House of Lords once more.
Undoubtedly the most eye-catching nominee is the septuagenarian Earl Dudley
Undoubtedly the most eye-catching nominee is the septuagenarian Earl Dudley, whose biography simply reads: ‘Herewith presenting my credentials’ and a YouTube link. Upon clicking it, the reader is, er, directed to a search page for the word ‘technodemic.’ How very modern. Former Ukip deputy leader Viscount Monckton of Brenchley has meanwhile quoted Justinian’s advice to law students: ‘Let this be thine: to live a life upright, Do harm to none, and give to each his due’ while echoing Viscount Ridley’s criticisms of climate change. Monckton argues:
The notion of large global warming arose from an elementary scientific error. The crippling abatement cost extravagantly exceeds any legitimately-quantifiable benefit. Through spinning reserves, adding renewables to electricity grids increases CO2 emissions.
Punchy! Other peers are more conventional in their approach. Lord Biddulph opts for pithy honesty, writing:
‘I have always felt that in the House of Lords an honest opinion is the best one. I am always happy to be called on to serve.’
Earl De La Warr weighs in with this sage wisdom:
‘The media claim the Conservative party is in dire straits. I do not agree but nonetheless some changes of direction may be necessary’.
While Viscount Camrose offers advice ‘as a management consultant, business-founder and investor’ on advising clients ‘how to adapt themselves to a changing world.’ Useful stuff perhaps for the noble lords?
The remaining five all prefer to offer potted biographies of themselves. Lord Ashcombe lists his passions for ‘racing on the Solent and garden[ing] enthusiastically’; Earl Limerick goes for the hipster vote by referencing the MicroBrewery he runs. Lord Strathcarron details his many achievements in the creative industries and urges voters to read up on his background on ‘my Wikipedia page’ with Lords Dormer and Windlesham referencing their membership of local Tory associations.
Which lord will be a-leaping come results day tomorrow? Steerpike looks forward to finding out
Comments