Oh dear. Another lousy day at the races for Ed Miliband. It began as soon as he stood up at PMQs. The mournful angularities of his face settled into a frosty grimace as the Tories greeted him with ironic whoops and cheers. And on they went, yelling and braying. Miliband seems to believe that adopting a look of injured decency will bring the house to order. But the more he glowered at the Tories the more they crowed back at him. It was awful to behold. He stood there, immobile, like a man returning from a difficult hour at the dentist only to find his house is on fire.
His woes today were compounded by a set of economic indicators which seem to be inching in the coalition’s direction. With little else to complain about, he accused the PM of overseeing a fall in living standards. Cameron ignored the issue and rattled through a list of heart-warming figures like a lazy teacher doing the registration.
Miliband then raised his game. ‘He’s into his fourth year in office,’ he said accusingly, ‘and his excuse is: “Don’t blame me, I’m only the prime minister.”’
Then things began to go wobbly again. Miliband quoted Andrew Bridgen, a Tory disloyalist, who believes his leader resembles a stricken airline pilot. Not surprisingly, the PM was prepared for this jibe and he responded by quoting David Blunkett’s view that Ed Miliband is ‘literally going nowhere.’ Miliband’s face harmonised perfectly with the Blunkett thesis.
Notably absent today was Labour’s ‘bedroom tax’ ambush. Their rethink on welfare now makes this line of attack a serious liability. But Geordie MP Catherine McKinell had evidently missed the whips’ morning briefing where Labour backbenchers were ordered not to go wandering into spare bedrooms.
She berated Cameron for the bedroom tax which, she said, had sparked a vast increase in rent arrears. ‘This devastating policy risks costing more than it saves.’ The Labour whips were covering their eyes in horror. Cameron took full advantage. ‘This is a question for Labour,’ he said, fuming at Miliband and Ed Balls opposite him. ‘Can they now tell us? Are they going to reverse this policy?’
Sensing that Cameron’s blood was up, Balls goaded him further by shouting, ‘calm down, dear’, and gesturing for him to curb his wrath. Cameron yelled back. ‘After all the talk of iron discipline on welfare: test one – failure,’ he bellowed.
More unforced errors followed. Karl McCartney, by pre-arrangement with the Tory whips, asked Cameron to bring up tax-dodgery at the forthcoming G8 summit. Cameron grabbed his chance to attack Labour for helping a major donor avoid £700k in income tax. The blood surged to his well-tanned temples as he demanded that the money be returned. Ed Balls yelled ‘calm down’ at him with renewed glee.
‘I can’t calm down,’ shouted an empurpled Cameron. ‘That money should be going into the health service and education. Will you give it back? Yes or no?’
Cameron was behaving like a man whose valium prescription has just been eaten by his Rottweiler. And Labour was on the brink of winning the contest when Debbie Abrahams stood up to claim her Own Goal of the Year prize. She asked the PM to find more cash for carers using ‘last year’s NHS underspend.’
‘We could start with Labour’s tax avoidance money,’ shouted Cameron.
This was an ugly, fractious and insight-free session. Cameron, when faced by a floored opponent, obeys his worst instincts and lashes out. His gloating, ill-disciplined triumphalism today will have done him no favours with the undecideds.
And if it’s any consolation to Miliband, Cameron thinks he’s still worth kicking. And kicking again.
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