Lloyd Evans Lloyd Evans

PMQs sketch: Jeremy Corbyn’s master plan

Jezza! What a genius. The master plan is clear at last. You spend four days plumbing new depths of political incompetence with bungled cabinet appointments, surly refusals to talk to reporters, tedious waffly platform-speeches and grumpy scowls during a service at St Pauls. And then, when your reputation can dwindle no lower, you spring forth and dazzle everyone with a political revolution.

Cameron was grinning sheepishly before the Labour leader rose to the despatch box. He smirked sideways at his new opponent, through half-closed eyes, like a shy girl about to enter a forced marriage.

Corbs looked relaxed and far sprucer than before. He might have been a civics teacher arriving for Day One at the new comp. Shiny grey tunic, off-white striped shirt, green splotchy tie. The colours had been carefully mis-matched to remind us that the people’s champion is too busy championing the people to worry about matching his colours.

After a boring half-minute congratulating himself on his victory, Corbs began his revolution. Parliament, he said, was perceived to be too ‘theatrical’ and ‘out of touch’. And the citizens were denied a chance to speak. So he offered himself as the people’s ventriloquist. He said he’d received 40,000 questions by email which he wanted to ask the PM. He gave the authors’ names. Marie, Steven, Paul, Clare, Gayle and Angela. (OK, OK, female majority duly noted.).

Cameron welcomed the new approach. Or claimed he did. The first question, from ‘Marie’, was about affordable homes. Cameron assured ‘Marie’ that ‘260,000 new units’ had been built. Then Corbs moved politely to a question from ‘Steven’ about housing associations. The despatch-box suits Corbs far better than the mass-rally. His quiet, forceful courtesy came across extremely well. But the charm of the new approach began to fade during Cameron’s reply to ‘Steven’.

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