The Commons was half asleep at PMQs. Trump’s re-election has severely damaged Sir Keir Starmer’s authority. Last summer, he unwisely allowed his Labour colleagues to campaign for the worst presidential candidate in American history. When Kamala lost, so did the Labour leader who now has zero influence over the US. He couldn’t even bring himself to say ‘Trump’ today, let alone to acknowledge his inauguration on Monday.
Kemi Badenoch might have gloated over Sir Keir’s American gamble but she ignored it entirely. And she failed to bring up the Southport triple-killer. As if obeying the Labour whips, she asked about education, and she claimed that Tory reforms had propelled Britain’s kids to the top of the international league tables. She said that Labour is threatening to undo the Tories’ good work. ‘This bill is an act of vandalism,’ she cried.
The teaching unions have driven their tanks into Britain’s classrooms. They see our schools as their sovereign territory and they want to exclude any outsider who doesn’t have a work permit – that is, a teaching qualification – issued by their minions. Kemi quoted Katharine Birbalsingh, of the Michaela Community School, who said that Labour’s new bill would have stopped her from hiring an army officer to take charge of Year 11. Other anomalies abound. ‘Doctors are not sufficiently qualified to teach biology,’ said Kemi, ‘and Olympic medallists can’t teach PE.’
Sir Keir used children as human shields. His bill includes measures that may protect kids from predators and it expands the provision of free breakfasts and cheaper uniforms. This allowed him to accuse Kemi of hating kids. ‘Why did she instruct [her members] to vote against child protection measures?’
Kemi denounced the bill as ‘the worst of socialism,’ and ‘a return to the closed shop.’
Kemi’s elves have been through the bill with a fine-tooth comb and they’ve unearthed a hidden embarrassment. Salaries for teachers may fall. Kemi accused the Education Secretary of not having read the bill and she asked Sir Keir if he knew about Clause 45, ‘which means that teachers’ pay will be capped.’
‘Of course, we need flexibility in our schools,’ said Sir Keir. Fair enough. He’s happy for teachers to earn less and he admits it. This was the high point of Kemi’s inquisition.
Sir Ed Davey raised his favourite subject, social care. A national inquiry is due to start soon but there’s a problem. The chairwoman, Dame Louise Casey, has been headhunted and ordered to oversee a fresh enquiry into rape gangs. Sir Ed complained that Dame Louise was unable to investigate two scandals at once. Sir Keir soothed Sir Ed’s nerves. He said that Dame Louise’s rape gang probe will deliver its findings in April and she will switch her interest to social care. Sir Ed seemed assuaged by Sir Keir’s words about Dame Louise’s bulging in-tray. What a weird spectacle our parliament must present to the outside world. Knights exchanging assurances about a dame’s onerous workload.
Their matey speeches concealed the truth about the rape gang review. The government calls it ‘a rapid audit’ but it was arranged at the last minute and with great reluctance. Sir Keir was forced to respond to Elon Musk (who is effectively the leader of the opposition) after his aggressive tweets shone a light on the inaction of Jess Philips over rape gangs.
The dozy House of Commons continued with its irrelevant snufflings. Mohammad Iqbal spoke of the West Bank. ‘Let’s pray that the remaining hostages on both sides are released as soon as possible,’ he said. Sir Keir didn’t ask why he equates kidnapped Jewish civilians with Palestinian prisoners. However, he accepted that the West Bank made him ‘deeply concerned.’ He airily informed the House that ‘we’ve raised it a number of times in the various exchanges we’ve had.’
Exchanges with who? When did these conversations happen? He didn’t say. He might as well be talking in his sleep. The only figure on the world stage who still listens to Sir Keir is David Lammy.
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