Lucy Vickery

Political clerihew

In Competition No. 3003 you were invited to supply clerihews about contemporary politicians. In an enormous and excellent entry, popular rhymes included ‘charmer’ and ‘Starmer’; ‘Boris’ and ‘Horace’; ‘Sturgeon’ and ‘burgeon’; ‘Corbyn’ and ‘absorbing’. Putin likes to ‘put the boot in’, apparently, and that David Davis is, by common consent, a ‘rara avis’.
There was much to admire and it was tricky to sift the best from the merely good. Those that made the cut are printed below and earn their authors £8 each. Commiserations to the rest.

Alex Salmond
Has been grilled, gutted and gammoned
And got porridge poured over his wee bit of glory
By a big evil Tory.
Frank McDonald
Ed Balls
Rises and falls:
They say he’s a Blairite
Fred Astaire-ite
David Silverman
Angela Merkel
Is one of the (small) magic circle
Whose country rates ’em
As statesmen.
D.A. Prince
Ian Paisley
Ranted crazily.
But is Ian Paisley junior
Nicholas Stone
Theresa May
No longer holds sway —
For seeing off Corbyn and his iffy cult
Iain Morley
Justin Trudeau
Looks like a great North American leader, although,
To be fair, the guy next door
Has made that easier than it was before.
Chris O’Carroll
To where has Diane Abbot Got?
‘No idea,’ said Theresa,
Glancing at her freezer.
Brian Murdoch
Lady Nugee
Is far richer than me,
But to seem ordinary,
She goes by Thornberry.
John Oxley
Ben Gummer
Couldn’t be glummer.
It’s not much fun
Being John Selwyn’s son.~
Alex Galloway
Yvette Cooper
Made not a single blooper,
In the election campaign, reckoning it wiser to be invisible
Than risible.
Adrian Fry
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Is a Thunderer sprog:
But his manner is less irate
And he lives in 1798.
Bill Greenwell
Mike Pence
Is considered in the future tense
Should Trump
Go bump.
Frank Upton
Donald Trump
Resembles a lump
Of misshapen fat
Topped by an overweight bottle-blond rat.
Basil Ransome-Davies
Angela Merkel
Squares a circle by producing a squircle:
As her party trick
It seems to click.
W.J. Webster
Angela Merkel’s
Inner circle
Would never choose
Theresa’s shoes.
Tim Raikes
‘Should I dye my hair auburn?’
Asks Jeremy Corbyn,
‘Or should it be red
Carolyn Beckingham
Nicola Sturgeon
Is a would-be political surgeon
Who’d gladly effect a wee
Rob Stuart
Mike Pence
Waits in suspense,
Hoping that they’ll dump

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