Let’s talk pyjamas. Specifically, let’s talk paisley pyjamas. Never mind what poor Mr Newmark had hanging out of his; concentrate on the garment itself. You never think of politicians in pyjamas. Although now I’ve started, and I just can’t stop.
David Cameron, I suspect, used to sleep in tracky bottoms and a Smiths T-shirt until really quite recently. These days, though, it’ll be a suit of something expensive and slinky, maybe black satin, or green. While Ed Miliband’s pyjama situation you just know will be chaos. Possibly he still wears the now tight and farcical Thomas the Tank Engine ones he had when he was 11. Keeps meaning to buy new ones, never does.
Ed Balls will sleep in black shorts and string vest. I am certain of this, but cannot say why. Likewise, I think we can all be sure that William Hague has — if only latterly — taken to sleeping in a kaftan. George Osborne, if he does not sleep in a dinner jacket, in a coffin, probably wears boxer shorts and a T-shirt he owned as a Young Conservative. Chuka Umunna will sleep in only Calvin Klein briefs, all the better to catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror on his ceiling. Eric Pickles I see in a giant romper suit. I wish I did not see this. But I do.
Nigel Farage will sleep in his clothes, probably in a chair. Theresa May will not sleep, so this will not be an issue. Alex Salmond may have some sort of slimy cocoon, as larvae do. Nick Clegg will sleep nude, for all Liberal Democrats do. Except for Vince Cable, who will wear a sensible BHS buttoning two-piece, unironed and probably maroon.
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