Real life | 17 January 2013

André Léon Marie Nicolas Rieu is a Dutch violinist, conductor and composer best known for creating the Johann Strauss Orchestra. So says Wikipedia. But I know better. André Rieu is a cunning hypnotist who has lulled my mother into a zombified trance from which I cannot waken her. His televised open-air concerts, which now take up an entire Sky channel, play constantly in her home. The rapt hysteria of the assembled thousands is reflected in my dear mother’s visage and I fear for her, I really do.

The dangers of the genre known as ‘popular classical’ are already well documented. Richard Clayderman, Vanessa-Mae, Lang Lang, the Classic FM chart with its endless Air on a G String…I used to think, ‘If it gives people pleasure, why not?’ But now I’m not so sure.

As well as Strauss waltzes, Rieu plays music from the movies. By this, he means works by Beethoven or Mozart which apparently only came to prominence when used in an averagely good film starring Colin Firth.  On the back of Rieu’s CD Magic of the Movies, the concerto you and I thought was called The Emperor is revealed to be a piece called The King’s Speech. At this rate, GCSE music papers will soon ask: ‘Which British actor is best known for his beautiful piano music conducted by a Dutchman? Is it a) Colin Firth, b) Hugh Grant or c) Daniel Craig?’ (Next question: Which airline composed the Flower Duet? Is it a) Qantas, b) British Airways or c) Virgin Atlantic?)

Rieu has friends in high places, including, of course, Hollywood. His audiences, or should I say followers, include such luminaries as Sir Anthony Hopkins. There is no telling what he could achieve with such powerful backing.