Perhaps I should be flattered. There was I thinking I was getting old and frumpy. But it turns out the reason I waited for so long in the ambulance before they took me to hospital was that they thought I was on drugs.
The boyfriend has just revealed this. He didn’t want to tell me earlier as I had enough on my mind, what with being left in agony on a trolley for 12 hours, then abandoned on a ward for a further seven hours before a supremely uninterested doctor managed to diagnose two cysts the size of golf balls.:
Apparently, right after the paramedics accused me of misusing the ambulance service by calling them out when all I had was food poisoning, they shifted to an interrogation about illegal substances.
I missed this bit because I had passed out from the pain. They had put me in the ambulance, shoved a gas and air mouthpiece at me and told me to get a grip.
Then one of them took the boyfriend back inside the house and said, ‘Sir, if you will just tell us what you and your partner were doing before you called the ambulance?’
‘Er, well, we had just made a cup of tea…’ said the poor boyfriend, innocently trying to be helpful.
‘Sir, please, there is no need to lie. We are not here to judge you.’
‘I’m not lying. We were drinking tea and watching a movie and she just keeled over…’
‘Oh, she did, did she? Just like that, eh?’ Sarcastic look. ‘I’m afraid we can’t help you unless you tell us what you’ve really been up to.’
It took the boyfriend quite a while to work out what they were accusing us of.
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