Paying off your credit cards is an odd way to end the year. It just doesn’t feel very seasonal for a God-fearing Christian who ought to be marking the time of Our Lord’s birth by loading up their debts at Marks & Spencer in the traditional way. But I think I’m going to make it my new Yuletide tradition. It wasn’t as instantly enjoyable as panic shopping and took a while to get an endorphin rush out of. But once I got into the swing it was quite the rollercoaster ride of pure adrenalin.
First, I had to negotiate the confusion at the other end of the phone when I tried to explain to various call-centre operatives that, instead of piling up more debt at a rate of 17.5 per cent and worrying about it in the New Year, I wanted to pay it all off now, and spend the New Year being peaceful and well organised.
The lady at the first credit-card centre was most put out. ‘You mean you want to make the minimum payment,’ she told me forcefully. I informed her that, no, this was not what ‘can I pay my bill in full please?’ meant, in the true sense of the words.
‘How much do you want to pay, then?’ she asked, evidently hoping that the more she drew it out the less likely I was to continue with my hare-brained, madcap and no doubt hormonal scheme to clear the balance to zero.
‘I would like to pay the entire amount of…’ She said the number back to me, very slowly. She took my debit card number and every other number she could wring out of my head for security purposes and told me to hold the line. After a ridiculously short period of time, no more than ten seconds, during which no kind of transaction could possibly have been begun never mind completed, she came back on the line.
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