Dimly, I remember the time when you could buy a sandwich as the result of a perfectly normal interaction between two human beings facing each other across a counter. You would ask for something, they would give it to you, you would hand over money. But that was before UK sandwich-buying was standardised. I do not know whose idea standardisation was and no doubt it has brought many benefits for the customer. But you need to have your wits about you.
Do not fall into the trap I did when I put my veggie option down on the counter and feebly started trying to ask for tea.
‘Can I have a…’
‘Eat in or take away?’
‘Take away. Can I have a…’
‘Do you want a bag?’
‘Er, yes. Can I have a…’
‘Napkin?’
‘Thanks. Can I have a…’
‘Any teas or coffee with that?’
‘Ah, thank goodness…’
‘Any muffins?’
‘No, not muffins! Go back a step! I want a cup of…’
‘That will be four pounds fifty please.’
‘Oh dear, I want a cup of…’
‘Enjoy your day!’
The sandwich operative was now staring into the middle distance waiting for me to put money into her hand.
‘Do you think I could have a…’
She started talking to a fellow worker in Italian. Clearly there was no room in the official sandwich-buying procedure to insert a request for tea ad hoc and as I had failed to insert the demand successfully into the official opening for tea it was now hopeless to protest. But surely there must be some way back? I thought about submitting a written request on one of the suggestion forms entitled ‘We Care What You Think’. But sometimes the simple solutions are best.
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