Michael Hann

Releasing a charity single is a performance – but don’t mock attention-seeking superstars, pity them

Superstars doing what they have to

You can’t move for them. At least, you wouldn’t be able to if you could leave your house. NHS charity singles as far as the eye can see – from Queen, from the collection of second division 90s musicians billed as the Indie Allstars, from the rather bigger names gathered together by Radio 1 to record Foo Fighters’ ‘Times Like These’. From unknowns – The Singing Dentist, The Ideas. And from the charity hero du jour, Captain Tom Moore, accompanied by star of stage, screen and the Christmas CD market, Michael Ball.

Then there are the charity gigs that have been announced, to raise money for the NHS, or to give NHS staff a free night out – gigs by Liam Gallagher, Manic Street Preachers, Rick Astley, Paul Heaton and Jacqui Abbott. Theoretically, at least, our frontline heroes will have a rich seam of live entertainment this autumn.

I come not to bury any of these people. For a start, they’ve done more to raise money for the NHS than I ever have. Nor do I come to impugn their motives. I am absolutely certain all concerned genuinely want to raise money for charity. But I do wonder if, in addition to that noble impulse, there’s something more primal at work.

Not even the most deluded A-lister could possibly believe their tuneless rendering of this most trite of songs could possibly raise spirits

Some years ago I was having dinner in a Vietnamese next to one of the big London venues with the singer who was performing there later that evening. A string of people came up to the table to have a word, and I apologised for my choice of restaurant. ‘That’s OK,’ the singer replied. ‘No one becomes the frontman of a rock’n’roll band because they don’t want to be recognised.’

Performers need to perform.

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