After a top secret operation costing a lot of money and carried out by myself, I can
reveal that I have at last killed Adolf Hitler, the man responsible for the second world war. Only hours after the American government told a jubilant world that its special forces had killed the
evil Muslim murderer, Osama Bin Laden, I was able to report that I had also done for Hitler.
I discovered the Austrian-born madman, owner of a dog and a toothbrush moustache, in a gents outfitters in Coventry – ironically, one of the places which he devastated with his infamous airline company, Lufthansa. I approached the now 122-year-old purveyor of hate crimes whilst he was buying another pair of socks for one of his many devilish disguises. “Achtung! Hande-hoch!” I shouted and when the dictator of the 1000 Year Reich declined to do so I shot him in the head with a gun. He went “gnnuh” and blood came out.
It was then that I realised that I had forgotten my iPhone and thus could not take a photograph of the dead maniac. So I did a quick DNA test which proved beyond all doubt that it was Hitler and then removed his body from the scene so that the shop would not become a shrine for other famous Nazis like Goebbels and Himmler and that fat one who stole all the paintings, Marius Goring, I think. I then threw Hitler’s body off a boat into the sea somewhere, the precise location of which I have forgotten, but somewhere really deep.
World leaders and ordinary people are united in their admiration for my daring, and so they should be.
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