Someone alert the World Wildlife Fund and Sir David Attenborough. Yet another indigenous British creature is facing extinction, its ranks denuded to almost nothing by arrogant human behaviour. In particular the arrogant behaviour of women. Yes, this is the sad story of pubic lice – a familiar tale of wilful habitat destruction. Researchers say the lice are dying out as a consequence of the modern trend for women to have all the hair ripped out of the area surrounding their front bottoms, leaving nowhere for the poor creatures to hide. They cling on in only a handful of strongholds – probably South Yorkshire, parts of Essex and of course Wales. In particular, the scientists have pointed the finger at the women-only TV show Sex In The City for popularising the sub-teen look in women. We need to do something. Perhaps a campaign, like the one which encourages gardeners not to strim everywhere so that beetles and moths can hang out in the long grass. And a special re-introduction of these much loved lice in The Chilterns, like they did with those kites.
Interestingly (or otherwise), Sex In The City also provoked the description BOBFOC, in tribute to its leading lady, Sarah Jessica Parker. This of course stands for Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.
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