Poems about schadenfreude

In Competition No. 3156 you were invited to supply a piece of verse or prose on the subject of schadenfreude, a challenge inspired by the late great Clive James’s glorious poem ‘The Book of my Enemy Has Been Remaindered’, of which he said: ‘Not my most worthy moment, but somehow I had more fun writing that one than anything I ever wrote.’

Poetry outshone prose this week. Nick MacKinnon’s riff on ‘That’s Amore’ and F. Shardlow’s clever haiku both caught my eye, but they were eclipsed by the winners below who take £25.

Because young Norman often smiledHe seemed to be a pleasant child.But sad to say, his joy aroseFrom contemplating others’ woes.Their disappointments, great or slight,Would cause him undisguised delight:Should someone’s pet plan fail to workHe made no effort not to smirk;And when one boy got stage-fright jittersThe clearest sound was Norman’s titters.Then growing, while not wiser, older,He made his mockery much bolderUntil at last a vast guffawTo wide amusement locked his jaw.Moral: Uncharitable thoughts are best Kept silent, not made manifest.W.J. Webster

Caught Red-Handed is the showTo thrill the schadenfreude buff.It gives me such an inner glowI simply cannot get enough.  The nasty neighbour monsteringThe vulnerable folk next door!The builder’s scam! The online sting!The puppy thief, and many more!  I celebrate when handcuffs closeOn scumbags captured bang to rights,Rejoice when nemesis meets thoseWho live by such amoral lights.  You see the panic in their eyes,The degradation and regret.I want to pray that they’ll reviseTheir wicked ways — and yet, and yet… Basil Ransome-Davies

I’m sorry that you got divorced, your wedding cost a mill,your dress was on the front of Vogue; the guests were dressed to kill.You’ll have to sell the Paris flat. Who gets to keep the yacht?My heart is breaking for you, oh, it hurts an awful lot.A shame about the tabloid pics, you really look like hell.Who