Lucy Vickery

Seuss talk

In Competition No. 2940 you were invited to supply Dr Seuss’s take on the US presidential race.

Given his taste for taking down bullies, tyrants and hypocrites, it seems unlikely that Theodor Geisel would have been a fan of the frontrunner for the Republican nomination, who, as might be expected, loomed large in your submissions.

It was a tall order to ape Seuss’s imaginative, subversive genius but you produced a lively and varied entry. Commendations to Mae Scanlan, Frank Upton, Brian Allgar and Alan Millard. Those printed below take £25; Chris O’Carroll pockets £30.

McTrumpeter trumpets, ‘I’m born to be Prez!
I say the things no other candidate sez!
I’m richer than God! I’m a TV star, too!
And I’ve got a giant-sized Whang-Dangle-Doo!
‘I hate everyone who’s a bad shade of brown.
I’m keeping them out and I’m keeping them down.
I built a casino and I’ll build a wall,
And my Zingle-McSwingle’s the biggest of all!
‘Mussolini and Putin are OK by me,
So hand me the reins of the Land of the Free.
I’ll make us great again! Buy this cool cap,
And check out the size of my Whatzamawhap!
‘My fans shrug it off when I traffic in lies.
I’m all about winning! I’m all about size!
So vote for the flagpole that’s bigger than big,
McTrumpeter’s Super Badoinkamajig!’
Chris O’Carroll
I have no time for Donald Trump.
I do not like his wobbly rump.
I cannot stand his crazy hair
And what is in his underwear
I do not know and do not care
I never plan to see him bare
I hate the hate his speech incites
I loathe the dirty way he fights
The sight of him can make me itch
He’s much too smug and far too rich
I can’t abide his entourage,
His dress sense and his persiflage
And furthermore I derogate
The aforementioned stream of hate
A man without a decent thought
Is Hillary the last resort?
Basil Ransome-Davies
There are people who live in a land far away
and Sam says they’re folks of the Youess of Eh.

Already a subscriber? Log in

Keep reading with a free trial

Subscribe and get your first month of online and app access for free. After that it’s just £1 a week.

There’s no commitment, you can cancel any time.


Unlock more articles



Don't miss out

Join the conversation with other Spectator readers. Subscribe to leave a comment.

Already a subscriber? Log in