Lucy Vickery

Show me the child  

In Competition No. 2530 you were invited to submit an extract from the school report of a well-known public figure, past or present.

A couple of years ago there was a programme on the BBC in which well-known public figures gamely revealed the contents of their school reports. We learnt that Margaret Thatcher was a ray of sunshine in the classroom: ‘Her cheeriness makes her a very pleasant member of her form’. And if David Beckham (‘makes good cakes’) is looking for a career change he could always give Mr Kipling a call.
There was a bumper crop of entries this week. Commendations to Barry Baldwin and Lynn Haken for entertaining glimpses of the schoolboy Jesus. The winners, printed below, get £25 apiece. Top of the form is Bill Greenwell, who scoops the extra fiver.

Master BUNYAN hath best revise Arithmetick, according to the proportion of every one, and additions round about (1 Kings 7:35-37). He hath also needs study his Physicks and Chemistrie that he be cunning in knowledge, and understanding science (Daniel 1:3-5). Let him also attend to the spellings in his Historie essay after the composition of it (Exodus 30:32). In Footeball, let him score his Penalties — as to his kicks, they catch them in their net (Habakkuk 1:15), for which, to an On-Looker, it is as sport to a fool (Proverbs 10:23). As a Prefect, he hath much impressed the New Boys, for he openeth also their ear to discipline (Job 36:10). Nevertheless, we say to him, of his Woodwork, as to all Boys, work with your own hands (1 Thessalonians 4:11). Remember: at Bedford Grammar, There is a league (1 Kings 15:19), that is published unto all people (Esther 8:13).
Bill Greenwell/John Bunyan 

Gordon has impressed everyone here with his drive and ebullience. His direct way of communication has rubbed off on his fellow pupils and even some of the f*****g staff.

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