Lloyd Evans Lloyd Evans

Sir Keir’s problem? He lacks the Saatchi & Saatchi touch

(Parliament TV)

Today the prime minister tried out his ‘spoonful of sugar’ routine. Boris has decided that no political problem exists that can’t be solved with a dose of bonhomie, a chorus of ‘build, build, build’, and a £600 billion bung to rocket-boost the economy. This ramshackle strategy was all he brought to PMQs. Against him Sir Keir Starmer was keen to display his world-class mastery of detail. The king of the quibblers was on top form. At least by his own standards.

His goal was to blame the PM for the heatwave that recently brought thousands of super-spreaders to Bournemouth beach. Having sleuthed his way through Boris’s recent utterances he found a phrase, ‘show some guts’, issued to authorities in seaside towns. He tried to link this to the impromptu Bournemouth beach-party.

‘Does he regret being so flippant?’ said Sir Keir. He pronounced ‘flippant’ as if it were a career-terminating scandal to make an error of tone. Boris decided to out-haughty his accuser. ‘The right honourable gentleman does not distinguish himself with his question,’ he scolded.

Sir Keir then charged him with bungling the Leicester lockdown. Labour’s Miss Marple had unearthed an incriminating clue in the marginalia. The city authority thought it had 80 infected citizens. The true figure was 944. ‘That may sound technical,’ said Sir Keir, reading out the numbers.

Why ‘technical’? A school kid could understand these figures. Sir Keir is so keen to congratulate himself on his obsessive nit-pickery that he forgets his real mission – to turn policies into slogans and to translate a government blunder into a damning phrase. Superwonk Sir Keir lacks the Saatchi & Saatchi touch. He can’t find words that grab you by the scruff of the neck.

Once the Labour leader had quibbled his way through his six questions, Boris unleashed a gobbet of well-rehearsed onomatopoeia.

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