Brian Murdoch Got up this morning, bought me a bacon roll. You know I got up this morning, bought me a bacon roll. But it left me way down in the opinion poll.
I ain’t no Gordon, ain’t no Tony Blair, (bis) But the voters say I’m Goofy, Lord it just ain’t fair.
Never been to Eton, never wore no top hats, (bis) But the voters think I’m one of those posh London cats.
Went to the shadow cab’net, this is what I said, (bis) If you don’t want me with you, you’re stuck with the other Ed.
Went to see Mister Nigel, said would Ukip work with me? (bis) He said no way baby, but you can try the SNP.
Gotta keep on truckin’, all the time till May, (bis) ’cause my big brother, done gone to the US of A.
If I don’t win the election, I’m throwin’ in my hand. I said if I don’t win the election, throwin’ in my hand. I’m gonna be a blues singer in a ragtime miliband.
W.J. Webster Woke up this morning, felt like a parentless child; No one to turn to, no one to praise things I did; Nothing to gain and everything set up to lose — Got the not-at-the-races, down-with-the also- rans blues. Came out of nowhere, rose to one rung from the top; Sat on the front bench, trusted with minding the shop; People would call me one of the world’s number twos — Got the-where-are-the-stops-going- down-on- the-greasy-pole blues. Once it was easy — when the other two needed a kick We were the party that voters were stuck with to pick; Now from the sidelines there are more and more options to choose — Got the roll-up-the-voting-map, shake-the kaleidoscope blues. No one forgives me for a pledge I admit that I broke; Never a nod that I eat humble pie till I choke; All that they care now is who’s next in line for my shoes: Got the fun-while-it-lasted, future-forgotten man blues.
Bill Greenwell Went down the polling station It fill me up with dread Went down the polling station And a voice said ‘Mr Ed, You gwin lose’ Oh no Oh no I cannot choose Yes it said I was a wipeout I had the bacon sandwich blues, Bacon panini that is
Went down the polling station It was the seventh May Went down the polling station And a voice said, ‘Edward, hey You gwin lose’ Oh no Oh no I cannot choose Yes it was the permatan man I had the former leader blues, Blairwitch project that was
Carolyn Thomas-Coxhead Well I woke up this morning, that debate was on my mind, Yeah, I done woke up this morning, that debate was on my mind: Election he’s a comin’ an’ I just can’t get left behind.
That night in twenty-ten, that was a real good time, Yeah, that night in twenty ten, oh yeah, it was a real good time. That TV debate, yeah, well you know I done won it just fine.
‘I agree with Nick,’ they said, and Lord all them press agreed ‘I agree with Nick’, they said, brother, and Lord how them press agreed; Now there’s a fussin’ an’ a botherin’ ’bout just how to proceed. Now I’m not expecting to be moving into Number Ten; No, Lord, I’m really not expecting to be moving into Number Ten. But it’s a comfy seat in Cabinet, Lord, and I’d like to use it again.
I made a hit with the voters, but they didn’t choose Lib Dem Yes, I connected with the voters, but them guys didn’t go choose Lib Dem; I just need to be high-profile, wanna share that power again.
Your next challenge is to write a sonnet beginning ‘Shall I compare thee to a [trisyllable of your choice]’. Please email entries to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 11 February.
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