Spectator Competition: Outta Palo Alto

In Competition 3354 you were invited to put yourselves in the shoes (or head) of a tech billionaire. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Elon Musk provided the most inspiration. Paul Freeman had him intent on world domination:

That bozo Bezos and schmuck Zuck will serve
as jesters to my court. They’ll daily taste
my food in case some traitor has the nerve
to poison it. Their loss will be no waste.

There were also some nicely random Jeff Bezos pensées courtesy of Basil Ransome-Davies. ‘Maybe I’m the Dylan of corporate technology. Or he is the Bezos of popular music?’

The winners are £25 closer to a billion.

From time to time I flick through online news,
And if, by chance, the journal’s not my own,
I sometimes find a less than trusting view
Of all the worldly kindliness I’ve shown.

‘Ye gods, it doth amaze me,’ someone said
In sandals, in a dusty Roman play,
And frankly, I’m astounded by it now,
That ignorance still flourishes today!

So listen, guys: the deal is very clear:
A headset that’ll take you to the Moon
Is yours, if you’ll allow a screwed-in wire
To send back brain responses via Zoom.

For data harvested, we’ll give receipts,
In case there’s any leakage from the mind.
Enjoy with us this cognitive research,
And think of all the secrets that we’ll find!

Nicholas Lee

How doth the tiny microchip
improve a nerd’s net worth –
one geek, through high-tech ownership,
inherits half the earth.
How massively our coffers swell,
and as our e-funds wax,
we spend our dot.com billions well
on philanthropic acts.
Some seek the age-reversal pill,
or take a space-age view,
But mostly we all rush to fill
a welfare fund or two.
We strive to give the dosh away
we’ve gained from matters cyber,
so humankind has cause to say
we’ve moral optic fibre.

Janine Beacham

You gotta think out of the box, like there is no box. And you’ve got to question yourself, ask yourself questions even, like what time is it? Is it time for my daily meal of creatine and collagen peptides? And what day is it? Am I scheduled for my colonic irrigation, my session in the hyperbaric chamber? Eternal life, that’s my goal.