Spectator competition winners: an alternative to ‘Auld Lang Syne’

Your new year’s challenge was to supply an anthem to usher in 2019, starting with the first line of ‘Auld Lang Syne’ and continuing in your own way. ‘Is not the Scotch phrase “Auld lang syne” exceedingly expressive?’ wrote Robert Burns to his friend Frances Dunlop in 1788, referring to the words of an old folk song that he had heard, written down and later sent to James Johnson, who published it in the Scots Musical Museum. These days, of course, those words are sung with gusto by the inebriated the world over on New Year’s Eve — an expression of fellowship and nostalgia. Not much of that in the entry, needless to say. Though the occasional sliver of cheeriness (C. Paul Evans, Tim Raikes) leavened the gloom, the mood was mostly waspish and weary. The winners pocket £25 each. Happy New Year!

Brian Murdoch Should auld acquaintance be forgot And never brought to mind, Twenty-eighteen’s anither year It’s guid tae leave behind.

They talked Brexit in parliament, Six hundred folk and a’, And gin they talked til kingdom come, It wouldnae gang awa.

A parcel of befuddled rogues! Naebody kens for sure How much and when we’ll a’ be screwed, And whit’s it all been for.

The cup has got nae kindness in’t, The brose is awfu’ cauld. I’ll bet that eftir Hogmanay The new year’s like the auld.

D.A. Prince Should auld acquaintance be forgot? Each year we ask the same: should we from habit send a card to every listed name? They send us one each year, so we for fifty years or more have done the same, with cheery words, while wond’ring what it’s for.

You went to school with him, while I have never met the guy. I, briefly, worked alongside her (and always wondered: why?) But if we drop them, will they think we’ve died/remarried/worse? That ‘auld acquaintance’ Christmas list hangs round us like a curse.

Basil Ransome-Davies Should auld acquaintance be forgot, It may be for the best. Some friends are magic, some are not, And some are just a pest. It is not cruel or unjust To purge the old, dead wood. As Stalin did it, so we must For our and their own good.

This New Year let us all confound Each wretched faux-ami Who never, ever bought a round, Or bored us endlessly, Or badmouthed us with lying lips, Or bogarted the bong — To all those dud relationships Adieu, farewell, so long.

Max Gutmann Should auld acquaintance be forgot, ’Twould be a waste of time. We’ve things far better to forget In the year two-oh-one-nine.

Forget the warming of the globe; Forget the rising seas. Forget the US president Has a brain like cheddar cheese.

Forget that vicious autocrats Flout democratic rules. Forget the bone saws Saudis use In their journalism schools.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, Perhaps you’ve lost your mind, Which might not be an awful choice In the year two-oh-one-nine.

Frank McDonald Should auld acquaintance be forgot And never brought to mind? Why, yes, they should, and quickly if They’re of the German kind, Or French or Spanish, Dutch or Greek Or even Portuguese We’ll find alliances elsewhere And trade with whom we please. We’ll give a hand to friendship in The far-off land of Oz And be the Brits of former days Composing our own laws. So let us drink to sovereignty And hail the coming year With shouts of joy as we return To be the way we were.

Alanna Blake Should auld acquaintance be forgot As mony since have been, For memory is fading fast An’ age has dimmed our e’en.

We twa hae sown our youthful oats But that was lang ago When winter winds blew gentler notes An’ Christmas aye brought snow.

So gie’s a hand to help me up, Come close so I can hear, We’ll raise anither brimmin’ cup Tae one more bloody year.

Your next challenge is to take as your first line ‘Happy the man, and happy he alone’ (John Dryden/Horace) and continue for up to a further 15. Please email (wherever possible) entries to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 16 January.