Spectator competition winners: comically appalling final paragraphs to the worst of all possible novels

In Competition No. 3295, you were invited to submit a comically appalling final paragraph to the worst of all possible novels.

From time to time, I set a challenge that owes a debt to the Victorian novelist Edward Bulwer-Lytton – who enjoyed a brief burst of popularity in his day, before falling out of favour – and to the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, which challenges participants to write an atrocious opening sentence to the worst novel never written.