Alan Millard Come gather around, I’ve a sad tale to tell Of a bigot and bully, the bigwig from Hell With hair like a beaver’s tail plastered in gel But he’s only a flash in the pan, man, only a flash in the pan.
He’s macho misogynist, coarse to the core, A groper and grabber of pussies galore Who claims it’s all locker room talk, nothing more, But he’s only a flash in the pan, man, only a flash in the pan.
You Mexicans, Muslims and immigrants all, He believes he can bar you by building a wall And it won’t be like Jericho’s, destined to fall, But he’s only a flash in the pan, man, only a flash in the pan.
He’s Putin’s prize puppet, a bolshie buffoon With the farcical face of a comic cartoon Who thinks he’s a guru yet acts like a goon, But he’s only a flash in the pan, man, only a flash in the pan.
Bill Greenwell We’ve seen your tower in NY About as subtle as tsetse fly And the lassies shout as you grope each thigh Donald You’re A Loser [Chorus:]
When your words smell high, when your words sink low Through the ranks of yes-men you will go From the malls to the walls of Mexico Donald You’re A Loser
With your waterboards and your slaughter eyes And your private bankrupt enterprise And the stretchy tissue of your lies Donald You’re A Loser [Chorus:]
With your phoney facts and your tactless tweets And your vacuum-packaged team of cheats Each lad and lassie here repeats Donald You’re A Loser [Chorus:].
Mike Morrison O Captain! My Captain! Mark well what you have done, Convinced the people (and yourself) that you are It, The One. There’s more to running government than ‘Putin’ on the Ritz And First Ladies should be diplomats behind the teeth’n’tits. But all’s up, the die is cast, The Lord of Misrule rules; Down Pennsylvania Avenue Now steams the Ship of Fools.
O Donald! Our Donald! You self-regarding chump — We should have voted Homer Simpson, even Forrest Gump. Whatever were we thinking, we must have lost the plot: You claim to be a patriot? Walt Whitman you are not; Rather, an orange-hair-job clown, A pimped-up masquerade; You’ve Trumped the world by trumpery, The price will now be paid.
Max Gutmann (to the tune of ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’) Pipelines. Pruitt. Hiring freeze. Keeping out the refugees. Crowd size. Hand size. New press secretary’s lies. Twitter tantrums. Funky hair. Bye bye, Mr Polar Bear. Claims ignoring evidence. Conflicts with emoluments.
A-list folks who said No Way. Silencing the EPA. Every ‘over-rated’ foe. Taxes that he’ll never show. Jared Kushner. Twitter feuds. Rich, white nominated dudes. Russian hacks that he’ll forgive. Facts that are alternative.
We didn’t vote for Donald. No, we didn’t choose him; we see Putin use him. We didn’t vote for Donald. Even Clinton’s better, but we didn’t get her.
Staffers clap to fool the press. Muslim visa airport mess. Torture’s now OK with us. State department exodus. Briefings that he just ignores. Did I mention Twitter wars? Merrick Garland, go get lost. Build the wall and damn the cost.
Paul Carpenter Hello Donald, our old friend, You’re tweeting in the dark again, Drafting diktats without thinking Trashing taboos without blinking, All rooted in your trademark semi-sleaze So Donald please We want the sound of silence
In restless tweets you walk alone Making fake news of your own, Giving everything a lethal twist To be lapped up by your populists Who adore your verbal shooting sprees We’re on our knees Give us the sound of silence
Your next challenge is to supply a lesson in the art of seduction in the style of the author of your choice (up to 16 lines or 150 words). Please email entries to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 22 February.
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