John Whitworth Why did I laugh tonight? No voice will tell. Too long we’ve journeyed, sifting, drifting through The eddies of the seriously unwell, To the wide river rolling, rolling to
The wide blue sea. Our life, dear friends is sad, As anyone with eyes to see, can see, Alas! Our world is going to the bad, No joyous shot at how things ought to be,
Sun on the water and a sky so blue, Trees on a shoreline, mountains in a mist, Scatheless, transcendent, overarching, true. O wandering poet, lonesome and unkissed,
You’ve drifted much too long and far too far. It isn’t what you do, it’s what you are.
Basil Ransome-Davies Why did I laugh tonight? No voice will tell. No records, clues or witnesses remain, Only a poisoned candle’s fading smell. The truth is locked up in my guilty brain. So that’s one reason — my impunity. I am above suspicion for all time, A murderer unpunished, safe and free. Virtue rewards itself, and so does crime. But in my laughter lurked a darker note, Premonitory as a rising wind Of stormy retribution. I, who gloat At having so ingeniously sinned, Now feel confession, like a mortal curse, Pressed on me by the Imp of the Perverse.
Derek Robinson Why did I laugh tonight? No voice will tell, And I’ve forgotten what it might have been. My head aches, and my tongue is parched as hell; I overdid the blushful Hippocrene.
Why did I laugh? Did someone crack a joke, Some smutty tale of ‘still unravish’d brides’? No, I’m a gentlemanly sort of bloke, And that would hardly make me split my sides.
Why did I laugh? (I feel my stomach churn.) Did someone jeer at poor old Basil’s pot, Or ask me ‘How much does a Grecian earn?’ Those beaded bubbles really hit the spot,
And now — oh, God, I think I’m going to barf. Why did I drink so much? Why did I laugh?
Nick Milne Why did I laugh tonight? No voice will tell: With that false sound did I my heart ensconce Within that selfsame armour where doth dwell The ghost that all my silences still haunts. What beats and pulses here is only stone; What smiles and shines is mis’ry to maintain. Why do I even bother to atone? What purpose is there in this dull refrain? With ev’ry hour must I myself police And strive against the saying of my dreads; I cannot ever yield and grant release To what should find no home in other heads. Why did I laugh tonight? It was decreed — Lest consequence from all my cause proceed.
Robert Schechter Why did I laugh tonight? No voice will tell. The coffee I was drinking came back up And journeyed through my nostrils till it fell Miraculously back into its cup, And though my nasal passages were scarred The silliness of how the coffee spewed Induced more laughter, only twice as hard. I never laughed with such great magnitude!
What started this? I can’t recall the joke. Did it involve a priest? A duck? A fly? I only know it almost made me choke. But if I should remember by and by, I fondly hope that it won’t happen when I’m drinking coffee from my cup again.
Iggy McGovern Why did I laugh tonight? No voice will tell Nor Daily Mail hack render my response Yet I had been this evening to Hell In a proverbial handcart. Whereas once I had the numbers to go it alone Yet something drove me to this foolish pain Perhaps God’s punishment for my re-moan Or simply that I was too bloody vain. I thought they would renew (and more) the lease On Number 10 but Corbynitis spreads Like wildfire through the masses without cease And now my reputation lies in shreds I am dead woman walking, yes indeed So many suspects in St Mary Mead.
Your next challenge is to submit a poem about a domestic object. Please email, wherever possible, entries of up to 16 lines to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 26 July.
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