W.J. Webster What are little girls made of Is a question that’s better not put: Answer only if you’re not afraid of Finding your mouth full of foot. Don’t offer parts pretty or gentle Or tender, protective and caring: They’re judged to imply ornamental Or being confined to child-bearing. What are little boys made of Is equally parlous to hazard; The traits there’s a usual parade of Will have you fall flat on your mazzard. There can’t be a typical boy As there can’t be a typical girl. We need other terms to deploy When faced with this chromosome whirl.
John Priestland What are little girls made of? Your daughter Is fifty per cent water.
What are little boys made of? Your son’s H20 Is not quite so low: His water content Is sixty per cent. Less adipose tissue — That is the issue. (But being wetter Does not make him better.)
Sylvia Fairley What are little girls made of, you may ask, why are they always ready for the task? They’re made of earth and grit for wheeler dealings and concrete heads for breaking through glass ceilings. Six arms for juggling cooking, work and kids while keeping up with current market bids, cross-country training, classes for Pilates, with tampon tax and a hectic round of parties.
What are little boys made of? What’s in store? Testosterone’s not valued any more; they once considered housework infra dig, now fear the label: chauvinistic pig.
For soon the plan’s to make them with a womb; they’ll cope with stretch marks and post-natal gloom and morning sickness — glad to make the swap to free up all the women at the top.
Brian Allgar We’d eaten all our planet, fled the rubble In search of food to fill our famished chops. We conquered Earth with very little trouble, And taught the humans how to grow our crops.
Like us, our leader earnestly believes In keeping to a vegetarian diet, But sometimes, bored with roots and shoots and leaves, If something new turns up, he’s keen to try it.
He asked us ‘What are little girls made of?’ We told him ‘Bone and skin and blood and flesh.’ ‘I see. And what are little boys made of?’ ‘They’re pretty much the same when young and fresh.’
‘Mmm …sounds quite tasty, with a bit of crunch — Run out and get a couple for my lunch.’
D.A. Prince ‘What are little girls made of?’ were the words I googled neatly. Wiki offered me Episode Seven of Star Trek (and the cast from ’66), a detailed summary, production notes, the chance to watch again, a forum for the fans, discussions, threads. Then, further down, some nursery rhyme-based links. This was for lively brains and clever heads.
Then, for equality, I googled chaps: ‘What are little boys made of?’ Spell-checked, found websites for nursery rhymes and nothing more. It seems that boys stay dumb, numb, pre-school bound, much as expected; not much going on, like slugs and snails, end-bits of manky pups. No brain-work, stretched imaginations, here; nothing to show potential as grown-ups.
Brian Murdoch What are little girls made of? That’s not something you can ask today, When gender neutrality rules, OK, And there’s all that transgender stuff anyway So it would actually be hard to say Unless you’re only talking DNA, In which case it just means That little girls probably have superior genes.
What are little boys made of? Now here the feminist lobby might Feel that the nursery-rhyme sheds a light, And that snails and dogs’ rear-ends seem about right For the masculine make-up which leads men to fight, Become rapists, oppressors, and beasts of the night, Which can all be traced home To that Y-chromosome.
Your next challenge is to suggest remarks (as many as you like but totalling not more than 150 words) guaranteed to get rid of a guest who is outstaying his or her welcome. Please email entries to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 20 April.
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