Lucy Vickery

Spectator competition winners: William McGonagall on Magaluf

Your latest challenge was to imagine William Topaz McGonagall’s poetic response to Magaluf. McGonagall was much taken with the town of Torquay, and wrote a poem singing its praises. But what would the Tayside Tragedian have made of Shagaluf? He took a dim view of alcohol, if these lines are anything to go by:

Oh, thou demon Drink, thou fell destroyer; Thou curse of society, and its greatest annoyer. What hast thou done to society, let me think? I answer thou hast caused the most of ills, thou       demon Drink.

Some of you clearly reckon, though, that beneath the teetotal, god-fearing façade lurked something altogether wilder. Commendations go to Nicholas Hodgson, David Shields and Adrian Fry. The winners, below, pocket £35 each.

Basil Ransome-Davies Let me invoke my muse to describe and explain What a wonderful town there exists on an island       of Spain, Where in general the natives speak Spanish And visitors can make their troubles vanish, Thanks to the magnificent Spanish sense of       hospitality And famous, hot-blooded Latin vitality. In beautiful Magaluf the sangria’s strong on brandy Giving rise to opportunities galore for       hochmagandy For British tourists who are so astonishingly       uninhibited That extremes of audacious behaviour are       frequently exhibited, Such as falling over and throwing up in the gutter. Though ’tis not respectable, my heart is aflutter To witness scenes that remind me of Auld Dundee On Burns Night, when the booze and crack       flowed free Small wonder that Magaluf’s praises are sung. Now tell me why depravity should be only for the       young.

Chris O’Carroll Discriminating travellers, get ye to Magaluf, which       is by far superior To all other holiday destinations in sunny Iberia. On the well-known Spanish island of Majorca this       beautiful resort is located And seldom if ever has a town been more       sublimely situated. The white sand of its beach and the turquoise       water of its bay Make it a most attractive spot for visitors to frolic       and play.

Among British tourists, one very popular form of       recreation Is swimming to a nearby island famed for its black       lizard population.

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