The winners earn £25 each. Chris O’Carroll takes £30.
‘This being Sheffield before the proper provision of social housing, it was less this unusual accommodation that fascinated — a tan brogue, I recall — than her inability, as social workers now insist on understating the condition, to cope.’
Chris O’Carroll/Edgar Allan Poe Once upon a sturdy tuffet sat a maid the world calls Muffet, Dining on a wholesome bowl of dairy oddments, curds with whey. On a sudden, just beside her, she espied a loathsome spider; Cold abhorrence surged inside her. She could find no words to say, No ejaculations suited to convey her deep dismay, Not a single word to say.
Vile arachnids, large and hairy, tender lactovores find scary, So the frighted maid abandoned all her curds and all her whey. Muffet gazed upon the spinner of silk traps to snare its dinner, Felt her vitals churn within her, knew she could not stay and play. In the presence of this insect-eating fiend she dared not stay. Up she sprang and ran away.
Alan Millard/John Bunyan He who would rodents three Spare from disaster, Let him, though blind they be, Bid them run faster.