Standing Room | 14 February 2009

It’s not just politically incorrect toys that need to be hidden in the attic; certain words also need to be junked.

It’s not just politically incorrect toys that need to be hidden in the attic; certain words also need to be junked. ‘Sorry’ has lost its mojo for me, it’s gone mainstream. It’s one of those words that began life as a covetable Chanel handbag only to end up as a worthless fake flogged on eBay. Saying sorry has become the must-have ‘get-out-of-jail-free’ card and is being used with all the insouciance of a patient suffering from the Coprolalia strain of Tourette’s. Everyone’s at it, especially the bankers, and therefore sadly there’s precious little redemption left in the act. It’s been devalued. Apologising is the buzzword of the naughty Noughties. Elton, you got it wrong: sorry no longer seems to be the hardest word.

Everyone is busy pimping their sorry slips with the ease of buying bogus pharmaceuticals from sites peddling Valium. The word has become a quick-fix balm with errant perpetrators meekly lining up to do time out squatting on the naughty step. The BBC should seriously consider saving both their time and our money by opening a Kindergarten School for Scandal. Last term saw Jonathan Ross suspended for behaviour that almost jeopardised his super-sized salary; Russell Brand retained his status as class clown by predictably taking the edgier option (delivering a rambling monologue of contrition before throwing all his toys out of the pram and jacking in the very radio show that got him into trouble in the first place); and John Barrowman was given a short, sharp smack after literally being caught with his trousers down.

This term has also started badly. Chris Moyles has been given a detention and made to write out 100 times: ‘Poles do not make good prostitutes and cleaners’; Jeremy Clarkson chalked up a conduct mark for offending the blind and Carol Thatcher was immediately expelled by Headmistress Hunt.