Status Anxiety | 13 December 2008

‘Daddy, there’s something I want to ask you,’ said Sasha, my five-year-old daughter, as she was eating her supper.

‘Yes darling?’

‘Is Father Christmas real?’

This is a question that every parent will be asked sooner or later and my friends are divided about how you should respond. Children will eventually learn that the universe is a disenchanted place — no fairies, no flying carpets and no Santa Claus. Should we try and speed that process along or delay it as long as possible? My own view is that, when it comes to Father Christmas, we should do everything in our power to preserve our children’s belief in him.

For one thing, invoking this deity is a very effective way to control their behaviour, particularly as Christmas approaches. You only have to point out that he disapproves of such-and-such a thing — getting down from the table before you’ve finished your supper, for instance — to bring about instant compliance. The thought that he won’t be bringing them the presents they have asked for is enough to put the fear of God into them.

‘But Daddy,’ said Sasha, after I had assured her that Santa did indeed exist and would bring her nothing more than a lump of coal if she did not clean her plate, ‘how will he know if I don’t eat my broccoli?’

I had to be careful here. I did not want to say that I would tell him myself since that would conflict with another lesson I have been trying to teach her, namely, that it is wrong to tell tales.

Then I had a brainwave.

‘You see that little gizmo,’ I said, pointing to the motion detector in the corner of the room that was connected to the burglar alarm.