Alex Massie Alex Massie

Stick It Up Your Punter

There are only three things wrong with this Australian side. They can’t bat, they can’t bowl and they can’t field. A harsh verdict and one that may need to be revised before the end of the series, but one that’s an accurate appraisal of Australia’s most recent efforts. This is a good but hardly great England side. It ain’t Jack Hobbs and Wally Hammond hammering these hapless Aussie bowlers but Alastair Cook and Jonathan Trott…

“There’s only one side playing cricket out there – and it’s not Australia” said a commentator on Test Match Sofa* which is the kind of deliciously piquant assessment England supporters have been waiting to dish out for  25 years. Not since 1985 has an Australian side looked so helpless.

Of course it can all change and, this being cricket, Australia could yet escape a with a draw. Yet Graeme Swann will surely fancy his chances on days four and five and England should head to Perth 1-0 up and with all the momentum and confidence on their side. Australia’s batsmen failed in the first innings at Adelaide and, on current form, only Hussey and Haddin would be selected for any composite side drawn from the two teams.

Indeed, on present form England’s 2nd XI attack – Tremlett, Shahzad, Bresnan and Panesar – is no worse than Australia’s first-choice selection of pie-chuckers. Brisbane was a shirt-front and the Adelaide Road is true as it ever was but England aren’t a 834/3 kind of batting outfit, no matter how friendly the conditions.

Poor Punter. Steve Waugh and Mark Taylor would have struggled to coax something better from the attack Ponting must shuffle.

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