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Sturgeon’s dead cat wheeze

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Coming soon to the Edinburgh Fringe: Evita without the self-awareness. Nicola Sturgeon trialled her one woman show today with an impromptu press conference at Holyrood, following her shock arrest less than a fortnight ago. Bravely, the former First Minister gave the performance of a lifetime, sticking to her Dalek-like insistence on her innocence while, er, managing to give away nothing new on the grounds that she is ‘heavily constrained’ by the police investigation.

‘I have done nothing wrong!’ she proclaimed, adding that she had ‘searched her soul’ on whether to step down as an SNP member but that, shock, horror, she had decided not to do so. How long did all that soul-searching take, eh Nicola?’ She ended by throwing her weight behind her successor, of whom she said ‘I think Humza is doing a fantastic job as First Minister. I wish he hadn’t faced some of the circumstances he has, but I’m incredibly proud of the job he is doing.’ Gee, what circumstances could she be referring to?

Mr S was rather baffled as to why Sturgeon would hold such a press conference if she wasn’t actually going to say anything new and hide behind legal process. But then, of course, the answer became clear. Sturgeon was speaking in parliament to journalists just as the Green co-leader Lorna Slater was getting up to confirm that Circularity Scotland, the body set up to run Scotland’s ditched deposit return scheme, has appointed administrators. Talk about good timing.

They may not do basic competence but the nationalists sure can do media management…

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Steerpike
Written by
Steerpike

Steerpike is The Spectator's gossip columnist, serving up the latest tittle tattle from Westminster and beyond. Email tips to steerpike@spectator.co.uk or message @MrSteerpike

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