Suffering syndrome

Have you noticed how no one gets tired any more, they get one of those frightening fatigue syndromes? Post-viral, chronic, adrenal, muscular, neuro-cognitive…It’s terrifying. I’ve lost track of the number of parties I’ve been to where one of the guests has suddenly announced that they’re really excited to be out because they’ve been in bed for the past six months. (It’s always six months. Never five and a half, or seven.)

And before the Alliance of Fatigue Sufferers accuses me of insensitivity, I must make clear that I’m not denying these debilitating conditions exist. I’m saying that if everyone who claims to be is suffering from an official fatigue syndrome then we need to do something urgently about the fact that Britain is in the grip of an epidemic of immune deficiency the like of which could soon wipe out the entire human race. We need to alert the World Health Organisation and the Pentagon and block off the Channel tunnel.