Tata Ltd

In Competition No 2477 you were informed of a German firm that offers to say goodbye on your behalf to an unwanted friend or lover by telephone, letter or personal visit, and invited to describe one such operation from the viewpoint of either the victim or the messenger. If you look up Tata Ltd in the telephone directory you will find it, but beware: it is a huge conglomerate and may be puzzled by the service you require. The man you want is Herr Bernd Dressler, who no doubt has a niche on the internet. Sixty years ago I was in the unhappy position of being asked by a close female friend to meet my best chum at Paddington and tell him that a short-lived blaze was dead. Last year, for the first time, we three met again. My chum and I remembered the incident, but the lady didn’t. A sobering thought.
The prizewinners, printed below, get £25 each, and the bonus fiver goes to Gerard Benson. Happy goodbyes!

A disconcerting event. The doorbell rang and there was an odd-looking fellow on the mat. Couldn’t make him out through the spy-hole. No one I knew. Didn’t look like the usual sort I mix with — but not a salesman, I felt. Anyway, I let him in. He looked shifty and embarrassed, but somehow brassy at the same time. ‘Good afternoon,’ he said. ‘Am I speaking to Angela Broscati?’ (or some such). ‘Broschetti,’ I replied. ‘I’m Angela Broschetti.’ ‘Sorry,’ he said, ‘will you please sit down.’ I obliged. ‘I’m from Tata Limited. Heard of us?’ ‘’Fraid not’, I said. ‘Basically it’s my painful duty to tell you that Graham Pastorson is terminating his friendship with you.’ You mean Patterson,’ I said. ‘Do I?’ he said. ‘Yes. Well, sod him!’ I said. ‘Shall I convey your feelings to him?’ he said.