The American way | 21 April 2012

I spent the last week in America, and my hosts had 900-plus channels listed on cable, though some required payment, others were in Spanish, and many featured what can only be called niche programming, such as lacrosse from the high school. My hostess liked Chopped!, which is their version of MasterChef — less hectic though with more repulsive food.

But I liked the commercials, which I watched carefully since — even though our advertising industry regards itself as the world’s most influential — American styles will soon cross the Atlantic. One problem advertisers face is how to plug something that nobody hopes they’ll need to buy. Man is driving along an empty road in the far west. Steam starts to come out of the engine. By the time he reaches a filling station, it’s looking like the Old Faithful geyser. Is he fazed? No. As the voiceover says, ‘You’re at the age when life doesn’t throw you curveballs.’ He walks calmly into the garage where his manly hand grabs a bottle of water. The same manly hand fills up the radiator. What can they be plugging?

‘So why not ask your doctor about Viagra?’ Yup, it takes a real man to admit he’s lost his manhood. As the car (it has a long bonnet, naturally) powers smoothly back on to the road we hear the long, scary, obligatory and gabbled list of possible side-effects, including ‘seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours’. The message: ‘you might die, but the pathologist will be very impressed’ rounds off the whole thing.

Many are designed to make the advertiser, especially if it’s a large and grasping multinational, sound as if it’s as cute as your favourite uncle.