You don’t have to look hard to find swaths of sports fans around the world who dislike England – England’s men’s teams that is. The women are a different matter. Now, surprise surprise, the Australians have come to the party. If they ever left. The trigger this time is Ben Stokes’s surly behaviour to the Indians at the end of the fourth Test when Washington Sundar and Ravi Jadeja chose to bat on to pick up their centuries, rather than march off for the draw that Stokes wanted. All that was left was sledging: ‘Fucking hell, Washi, get on with it,’ said Harry Brook, who never shuts up; ‘If you wanted a hundred you should have batted like it earlier,’ said Jofra Archer. Why they shouldn’t have wanted to collect their centuries is beyond me though.
‘When push comes to shove, we are going to see some real combative Test cricket’
This was all a bit rum since England had just been using as a consultant a Kiwi coach called Gilbert Enoka, who had worked with the All Blacks for years and was the guy behind the famous ‘no dickheads’ approach. But none of this has gone unnoticed Down Under, where the kraken is waking and the Aussies are ramping up Ashes tension ahead of England’s upcoming visit. Brad Haddin, the famously confrontational former Test keeper, said: ‘I think they are going to start the Ashes on nice terms but when push comes to shove, we are going to see some real combative Test cricket.’
Mitchell Johnson, the terrifyingly fast left-armer from the 2013-14 series, was suitably scary: ‘Sledging only works when you’re dominating. Right now, England aren’t. They haven’t won an Ashes series in Australia since 2010-11. Their Bazball model has some punch, but it’s flimsy when conditions swing. Maybe talking tough is a cover.’ But he admitted: ‘Let’s not pretend Australia are choirboys. I had plenty to say when I played – and copped plenty back.’
Well, who would have thought it? A spicy Ashes series: can’t wait.
They’re a tough bunch those Lionesses. Ashes tough indeed. Not to be messed with. Watch Chloe Kelly sardonically thanking everyone who wrote her off, shortly after winning that thrilling final with her stupendous, prancing penalty. They played hard football, they didn’t shirk a tackle or a collision, but they played with a joy in the game (and its rewards) that is markedly absent from much of the men’s game. Instead of Marcus Rashford or Casemiro picking up hundreds of thousands a week to play football but looking as if they would rather do community service in a sewage farm, the women’s tournament saw Kelly, the unknown teenager Michelle Agyemang, Leah Williamson, the match-saving goalkeeper Hannah Hampton, Alessia Russo and all the rest living the best days of their lives. You hear a load of guff about sports people being role models, but these Lionesses really are: talented, hard-working, supportive, energetic and never giving up. Proper England, you could say.
Now what, though? The brilliant Sarina Wiegman, after two major titles with England and one World Cup final, will pick up the honorary damehood she so deserves. Though what else will happen if they go on to win the World Cup in two years in Brazil (and they certainly could) is anybody’s guess. She could be made an honorary queen, I suppose. You rather hope that Thomas Tuchel is picking her brain once in a while.
Fond farewells to the Tour de France on terrestrial TV. This last edition was the end of ITV4’s involvement, and a damn pity too. Ned Boulting and David Millar are one of the great commentary double-acts in any sport. Sure, times change and commercial interests win out, but we should be careful if terrestrial TV loses all its jewels. And the Tour de France is the brightest jewel of all.
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