Rain whimpers from Edinburgh’s skies. The sodden tourists look like aliens in their steamed-up ponchos as they scurry and rustle across the gleaming cobblestones. Performers touting for business chirrup their overtures with desperate gaiety. Thousands of them are here. Tens of thousands. Vanity’s refugees hunkering on the wrong side of fame and hoping to get through the ego-crisis alive.
A familiar name forces its way through the anonymous wastes. Julie Burchill: Absolute Cult (Gilded Balloon) is a one-act play by Tim Fountain. We’re at home with the Queen of Spleen as she cracks open a litre of vodka. It’s mid-morning. ‘I’m a hideous parody of myself,’ she tinkles in her soft-core Cider With Rosie accent. Hedonism and Judaism are the twin pillars of her life. And hate. She showers her foes with caustic venom. Vegetarians, Guardian readers, British male novelists (‘either pansies or pugilists’), feng shui consultants, bisexuals, Richard and Judy. ‘Why don’t they fuck off to Dignitas like they promised?’ Her youthful beauty — tiny waist, huge bust — has vanished. ‘But what did it get me? Tony Parsons.’ Her affair with Charlotte Raven doesn’t qualify her as homosexual. ‘A day trip to Bruges doesn’t make you a Belgian.’ Newspaper journalism, she seethes, has succumbed to the hereditary principle. ‘Instead of a pony I’ll get her a column.’ Lizzie Roper brilliantly traces Burchill’s descent into a drug-addled mess but as her life and career disintegrate, her character seems to rise heavenwards towards a plateau of triumphant self-vindication. Burchill has never sold out. To my surprise, this show hasn’t either. It deserves to.
Chef, by Sabrina Mahfouz (Underbelly, Cowgate), has bagged one of the festival’s early prizes. The protagonist is a brutalised urban castaway who winds up in jail and finds salvation through gourmet cooking.
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