Lucy Vickery

The Brexiteers

In Competition No. 3112 you were invited to submit an extract from Gilbert & Sullivan’s The Brexiteers.
The title of this new addition to the G&S canon was, of course, a nod to The Gondoliers. But in an entry both serious and silly, full of wit and whimsy, you also plundered The Mikado (‘Four little maids in politics, we,/ Boris-resistant as can be…’), Iolanthe (Lord Chancellor’s ‘Nightmare Song’) and H.M.S. Pinafore (‘Ring the merry bells for Brexit!’), among others. There were stellar performances from Max Gutmann, Sylvia Fairley, David Shields and D.A. Prince. They were only narrowly outstripped by the winners below, who earn £30 each.

Mine is the tousled noddle at the head of Brexit government,
Let getting Out, no deal or doubt, become our sacred covenant.
May tried negotiation but the Eurocrats all bested her,
Conservatives lost confidence — hey presto, my investiture!
It’s going to be a doddle, now we’re leaving unilaterally,
The EU gets more bijou while Great Britain blossoms naturally
Through trade deals with America and India, Australia
And sundry other nations who don’t think free trade a failure.
Remainers spout their twaddle listing oncoming catastrophes,
Delusion and confusion are the products of their strategies.
Directives and perspectives backed by Juncker and his mountebanks
Are no match for my verbal wit and optimistic countenance.
In time Mammon and God’ll bless me for my Brexit bonhomie —
Who wouldn’t rather hear a joke than yet another homily? —
We’d better keep our peckers up in spite of deeper deficits.
Besides, who says it won’t fun to ration all our requisites?
Adrian Fry

I am the Leader of the House, exacting and funereal,
And with my rod or pole or perch, all measures most imperial,
I chastise any member when he’s found un-parliamentary,
And ban the use of language noted in this thick inventory.
You will not find a Europhile upon my hallowed premises,
And as for von der Leyen I will be her private nemesis.

Already a subscriber? Log in

Keep reading with a free trial

Subscribe and get your first month of online and app access for free. After that it’s just £1 a week.

There’s no commitment, you can cancel any time.


Unlock more articles



Don't miss out

Join the conversation with other Spectator readers. Subscribe to leave a comment.

Already a subscriber? Log in