The cast mistake screaming for comedy: Cockfosters, at Turbine Theatre, reviewed

The Turbine Theatre is a newish venue beneath the railway arches of Grosvenor Bridge in Battersea. The comfy auditorium is furnished with 94 cinema seats and the only snag is the scent of mildew clinging to the plasterwork. Overhead, the rumbling commuter trains create the perfect soundscape for Cockfosters, a zany rom-com set on the Tube.

Two travellers meet by accident on a Piccadilly line service departing from Heathrow Terminal 3. James is a nerdy public-school reject who spots a fellow traveller, Victoria, struggling to shift three monster suitcases onto the train. Obeying Tube etiquette, he makes no attempt to help her and they sit in adjoining seats without acknowledging each other. Beside them are two passengers engrossed in royal biographies. So far, so typical – although book-reading is now a rarity on the Tube.

Then the script goes awry. James bumps into an obnoxious schoolmate and they exchange news as if catching up in a Sloane Square pub. The schoolmate impersonates Rik Mayall and asks Victoria for her contact details but she tricks him by giving him the number of a junk-food delivery service. Why has the journey turned into a social event for English toffs?

James grows philosophical and tells Victoria that London has lost its allure. ‘I’m done with London. I’m Lon-done,’ he jokes. Two noisy Texans burst into the carriage and unfold a large map – a map! – which they peruse while loudly mispronouncing the names of landmarks in the capital.

The script aims very low but occasionally it delivers a decent gag. James and Victoria parody Tube advertisements which offer to cure hair loss, fatigue, and bloating – but nothing else. There’s a poignant scene in which a woman of 50 is offered a seat and realises, for the first time, that she looks elderly.