As both of the great Spectator writers Madeline Grant and Gareth Roberts have pointed out here recently, the element of farce in British politics is notable as never before. Miss Grant opined that ‘It is genuinely astonishing that Rachel Reeves isn’t accompanied by the Benny Hill theme at all time… a shambles, but then which arm of the comedic and decaying British state isn’t? We’re probably only ever a couple of resignations away from Mr Tumble becoming the Rail Ombudsman.’
The idea of the ‘swivel-eyed-loon’ has completely moved camp from the right to the left
While in a piece entitled ‘Labour are almost as deluded as the Your Party faithful’ Mr Roberts noted that ‘Like many, my weekend was considerably enlivened by highlights from the livestream of the inaugural Your Party conference. This has been dubbed “comedy gold” and “better than Netflix”. It was certainly surreal and sad. A lot, and I mean a lot, of the people called to speak at the podium did not seem at all well, and the kind of not-at-all-well you can’t hide.’
The idea of the ‘swivel-eyed-loon’ has completely moved camp from the right to the left – be that soft left or hard left. As Roberts noted, Your Party and Labour have an awful lot in common; ‘There is a loop in the heads of the left, at all levels, from soft to hard and all points in between: everything that I do is to help and do good, so anybody that objects must be evil.’
In no one single person can this be seen more amusingly than the young MP Zarah Sultana, whose trajectory from shooting star in the party of government to a principal player in a place best described as ‘Troubled Trotskyite Toy-Town’ has been one of the most striking bits of ‘comedy gold’ in a year in which Westminster has rivalled the Carry On franchise for pumping out a ceaseless succession of knockabout gaffs’n’laffs. As befits her youthful beauty, she has become the leading lady in the latest farce, alongside a raddled old chancer and a bemused wet-behind-the-ears ingenue sporadically bursting onstage at inopportune moments to say daft things.
I wanted to find out more about Sultana’s ‘hinterland’ rather than simply judge her on the usual hectoring guff which she’s so fond of spouting, so I listened to a short recent Radio 4 profile of her. It’s always a shock when you find out that someone whose politics you loathe seems a decent person ‘in real life’ – and thankfully doesn’t happen very often, or where would we be philosophically? Politicians are often married to either downtrodden disciples or people who have grown to despise them, so it was surprising and refreshing to hear Sultana’s husband affectionately mocking her cultural preferences; ‘I think she would describe her taste as no taste… Westlife, Backstreet Boys, Boyzone… she’s pretty much obsessed with Married at First Sight.’
The granddaughter of a Pakistani immigrant who worked in a foundry and the daughter of an accountant, she joined the Labour party while doing her A-levels. She was only 26 when elected for Coventry South and seemed to be going places had she not already been infected with the PDS – Palestine Derangement Syndrome. If Sultana had stuck to domestic politics, it might be easy to see her as admirable. She opposed the ‘assisted death’ bill and the withdrawal of the winter fuel tax. Her resignation over the two-child benefit cap was highly principled, especially in a party which can turn on a sixpence, then pick it up and presume it was a gift from Lord Ali. It’s when she got her hands on a map of the world that things came apart. Her pronouncements on Ukraine are silly at best, sinister at worst: as the excellent Spectator writer Svitlana Morenets wrote: ‘I have to inform Sultana that her class-war rhetoric would strike working-class Ukrainians as an egregious, pompous luxury belief – marinated in the fashionable politics of people who jet off to Paris to compare notes on the working class. Sultana embodies the kind of British leftist who would do anything for the world’s working class except listen to them.’
But (of course) it is when drooling over ‘Palestine’ that Sultana makes a total fool over herself; a ‘country’ where women like her would face the wrath of the world’s most misogynistic religion for daring to dress, behave and barrack men the way she does.
Then there’s her Your Party shenanigans. Where to start? It’s difficult to write about this party as it changes course so often, with Zarah and the male politicians involved falling out and making up with the frequency of characters from one of the reality shows she enjoys so much.
The bungled beginning, the membership dues row and return, Corbyn sulking when Sultana said she wanted to co-lead it, Sultana accusing Corbyn of overseeing a ‘sexist boys club’ – it makes Married at First Sight look slow. In October after a joint appearance by the two, Sultana insisted that the pair were still able to work together and compared their relationship to the Gallagher brothers – though considering the laughs they’re providing the public with, I’d say the Chuckle Brothers were nearer the mark.
But it was last month when the independent Muslim MP Adnan Hussain withdrew his support due to ‘persistent infighting’ that we got the real, most relish-able taste of what is to come in the way of entertainment from this crew. In a statement on social media he alleged prejudice towards himself and other Muslim MPs in the party, including the use of ‘offensive slurs’. The mind boggles wondering what the painfully right-on whiteys of Your Party would ever say that was offensive to their precious Muslim mates; I can only think that ‘transphobic’ might have raised its ubiquitous little head. I do hope so; all of us who have long mocked ‘Queers for Palestine’ as being akin to ‘Turkeys for Christmas are now going to get to enjoy the ludicrous alliance – and inevitable squabbles – on a far bigger stage with a much better view than just a handful of grubby flumps waving placards in the street.
Tendencies, entry-ism, expulsions, splitting – if you’re a certain kind of person, being involved in or just supporting Your Party must all be rather thrilling. The business of rubbing along with others – which is one mark of achieving adulthood – can be dull at times, and joining this band of blame-throwers may a way for some people to recapture the liveliness of their youth, specifically student politics. Even Sultana’s husband said of her liking for tempestuous reality shows ‘There’s a lot of drama involved… I think going from one chaos in parliament to seeing the chaos around the dinner table at Married at First Sight, there may be something in that.’ He was implying that she enjoyed the cut and thrust of political argument – nothing wrong with that. But the mayhem may also be a fatal attraction.
Interviewed in the autumn of this year, Sultana chose ‘beating Reform’ as the party’s ‘most important goal for the [following] four years.’ Well, they’d better pull their socks up pronto if that’s the case. As the insider Sienna Rodgers put it, ‘I would not describe them as teething problems as I think they go far beyond that. Everyone involved, privately, is despairing over how it’s gone so far, publicly fighting over money, over politics, there are legal battles – it’s hard to overstate how far the infighting has gone.’
I tried to find out what song the Your Party conference closed with last week but I couldn’t; I wonder if it was ‘The Red Flag’, which despite everything we know about communism is still such a beautiful song. Do Labour still sing it? But yes, the Benny Hill theme might be more apt; on seeing Zarah Sultana’s attractive face, it will forever be playing in my mind. So Carry On, Comrade – the gaiety of nations remains in much need of your input as we head into a long cold winter
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