My life as a meth addict

I’ve spent most of my adult life addicted to amphetamines, including crystal meth. I first tried speed when I was 17 at a techno party while visiting Germany. I had been struggling with my A-levels and always found school hard because I was constantly exhausted, sleeping for 12 hours a day and still falling asleep during lessons. I was depressed and sometimes felt like I didn’t want to live any more.

Speed changed all that. For the first time ever, I was motivated, I could concentrate and I felt that I could deal with life. I went from failing school to becoming a straight-A student, and I honestly don’t think I would have graduated without speed. I took it like people drink coffee.

But when I finished university, I felt directionless. I met an American man on a dating app who was as addicted as me; I was falling for him and with nothing better to do, I decided to move to California, where meth is far easier to come by.

Both meth and speed are stimulants that give you energy and focus, but meth is generally stronger and has a longer half-life. They say the methyl group is like a VIP pass to the brain. The high from smoking meth lasts at least twice as long as that of other amphetamines, and, crucially, the comedown is vastly longer and feels much worse. The withdrawal from normal amphetamines lasts a day or two, during which time you’re exhausted and it’s hard to function. For methamphetamines, you really can’t do anything but sleep for at least a week, if not two, and even after that it takes a while for your energy levels to return to normal.

For a very long time, I was a functional addict.