Julie Burchill Julie Burchill

The parasitic poisonousness of Omid Scobie

Omid Scobie (Photo: Fourth Estate / SAM9928)

I don’t remember exactly when I first read about the ancient courtier role of Groom of the Stool, but it’s a fascinating business. Here’s Wikipedia to explain: 

‘The Groom of the Stool was the most intimate of an English monarch’s courtiers, responsible for assisting in excretion. The physical intimacy of the role naturally led to his becoming a man in whom much confidence was placed by his royal master and with whom many royal secrets were shared as a matter of course. It is a matter of some debate as to whether the duties involved cleaning the king’s anus, but the groom is known to have been responsible for supplying a bowl, water and towels and also for monitoring the king’s diet and bowel movements.’ 

But I do remember thinking ‘Oh – so that’s what a Groom of the Stool looks like!’ on first seeing a photograph of Omid Scobie. It’s hard to imagine after reading his alleged ‘book’ Finding Freedom that anyone has ever fulfilled the fundamental function of Groom of the Stool as fulsomely as him.  

Despite Duchessy disavowals of collaboration, Scobie’s Finding Freedom had the ‘see how I suffer’ stamp of Meghan’s expensively shod hoof all over it. Amongst other things, we learned that this paragon’s ‘willingness to help others and her drive to excel meant she often was deemed “fake” by classmates at school who felt it was impossible for anyone to be that perfect’ and that ‘Meghan immediately impressed Harry with her packing skills. She has always taken pride in being a great packer – going as far as layering dryer sheets in between her clothes to keep them smelling fresh.’

Meghan has a hack from Heat who seems to lie about his age

The stench of lickspittle hagiography comes through strongly. When Meghan’s ex-communications secretary Jason Knauf testified under oath that he and the Duchess discussed the ghastly tome ‘on a routine basis’ before its publication, no one was in the least surprised.

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