Mary Wakefield Mary Wakefield

The secret segregation of state schools

Is it all right for the Muslim parents of children at British state schools to prevent their sons and daughters from being friends with non-Muslim kids? And is it sensible? These questions have been knocking around my head like a pair of trapped moths, unable to find a way out.

Quite by coincidence and on separate occasions, in the past month I’ve met two (non-Muslim) women whose children have had trouble at Muslim-dominated state schools. The kids made friends easily in their first term, said the mothers, but as the months went by it became harder to stay pals. Their schoolmates never invited them home, nor would they come round for playdates or parties. The friendships faded away and the kids were left confused. One of the two mothers I met had decided to move house: new catchment area, new start. She felt guilty, she told me, because she’d been keen her son have friends of all faiths. But he was one of only two non-Muslim boys in his class, and he was lonely.

A dip into the toxic pools of mothers online shows this to be a more common problem than you might imagine. Even though I’m sure most Muslim families are undiscriminating, it still comes up as a frequent topic in chatrooms. A tentative mum will ask a question on Mumsnet, say, or Netmums: what should I do if my child can’t make friends with the Muslim kids at school? Inevitably she’ll get a savaging: ‘Why are you even mentioning this? Islamophobe.’ (This is the tone of voice in which internet mothers discuss every subject, from breastfeeding to sippy-cups.)

It’s not Islamophobic to raise the question. I think it might be important. Despite the endless run of features on parenting, children and schools, I haven’t once seen it mentiond in print, which strikes me as unwise.

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