Steerpike Steerpike

The SNP’s Kamasutra guide to pensions

Photo by Hollie Adams/Getty Images

Valentine’s day might have passed but the spirit of Kamasutra is still alive in one party at least. The many positions of the SNP’s finest on post-Scexit pensions has greatly amused Mr S in recent weeks, with Ian Blackford in particular appearing to be something of a tartan Tantric. 

First, the Westminster leader claimed that ‘absolutely nothing’ would happen to the country’s state pensions if it voted for independence. Then he insisted that the ‘obligation‘ would be on Britain paying such a debt from some mythical accumulated pension fund. Blackford next reverted to the 2014 White Paper position and admitted the Scottish government would have to pay its pensioners. 

His latest stance as of, er, yesterday is that he now wants Scots to be ‘properly compensated’ if they choose to leave the UK – even though pensions are paid out of current taxation, meaning there is no compensation pot to draw from. Mr S isn’t sure if the ‘foot-in-mouth’ position is particularly enjoyable but who is he to kink-shame? 

The latest nationalist wheeze is to quote former UK pensions Baroness Ros Altmann – a Tory peer on who they would probably not listen to on any other subject. Altmann, bizarrely, agreed to write for the National, likening the pensioners of a post-Scexit Scotland to UK citizens who choose to move abroad and receive their benefits there.

This of course ignores four counter-points: secession from a nation is not the same as moving to Malaga, the pension is a pay-as-you-go benefit, there is no pension pot, and if they voted for independence Scots would no longer be British citizens and therefore no longer able to claim. Mr S can’t help but suspect that the very reason Altmann was chosen to write for Britain’s favourite comic was her refusal to accept such points as fact.

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