The Spectator's Notes | 24 May 2018

Michael Gove wants to punish those who use wood-burning stoves and possibly even open fires. It would be hard to think of a more direct attack on country life. All houses in the country are cold, and impossibly expensive to keep warm by central heating alone. The cheapest and most cheerful way of heating individual rooms is by burning wood in them. In the north, there are many houses that need such heat every day of the year. Even in the sunny south, where we live, we light fires in every month except June and July. Such fires are the heart of the house and life would become truly sadder without them. Instead of gathering round them, family members would retire shivering to their beds to keep warm. Fires are also good for human health because pensioners keep fit by chopping up and stacking the wood for them. They are good for houses, too, because they prevent damp, smell welcoming and help air the room. If there were no fires, there would be no working chimneys, and houses would cease to breathe properly. If stoves and fires come under attack, country pubs and restaurants will collapse. This will happen, I suspect, even if Mr Gove does not ban them, because he is opening up a new world in which they will come under official disapproval. Before long, it will be alleged that pub staff suffer from the equivalent of passive smoking because of open fires, and landlords will face lawsuits which bring village inns to their knees. We shall not even be free to relieve our feelings by burning Mr Gove in effigy, since he is setting out to ban bonfires too.